You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
