I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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