Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
