he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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