shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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