Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
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