so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
