Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
