Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
