Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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