im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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