sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
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Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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