I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
