You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
