Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
