is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
