i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the gays at disneyland are vicious
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
