That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
