im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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