you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
