I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
