How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
