his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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