brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
