Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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