I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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