You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
