if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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