hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
