im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
