i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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