do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
