we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He did a backflip because drugs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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