Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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