i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
