i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
