I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
