i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
