Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
