If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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