remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just found a bag of teeth...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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