you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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