why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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