I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
