just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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