Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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