Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
