I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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