conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
