The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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