I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
