Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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