how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
