Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
