he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
