Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
