i will never coherently bang her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
