i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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