i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
