I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
