you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
