they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Panties = found
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
