On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
